To My Son Part Two

To my son,

It’s another early morning.

As I sit in your room getting dressed, I smile when I see your bed covered in a random assortment of stuffed dinosaurs, Bubble Guppies, and superheroes. I internally chuckle at how each toy brings out your personality, but suddenly there’s a wave of sadness that is slowly creeping over me. When I see this room, I see an innocence, and I know that I cannot keep the horrors of the word away from you forever.

Much too soon you will learn of an ugly thing we adults call “racism.”

You are not going to understand it.

I am 36 years old, and for the life of me, I do not understand it.

Honestly, I never thought you and I would ever have to have a conversation about racism. I was sure this was a problem which your generation would not have to see, but sadly, here we are.

When you look in the mirror each day, I want you to be proud of the person looking back at you. Generations before you have made sacrifices so that you could be here today. Be proud of your last name; I am.

But, son, as you see yourself, please know that the color of your skin does not make you any better or any worse than any other human on this planet.

You are going to be given a label of “white.”

Your friends will be given other labels.

But your momma and I will continue to teach you that people have no labels, and I hope and pray you will always see your friends as you do now through your sky blue two year old eyes.

You are going to hear others tell jokes and use slurs.

This is not OK.

Stand up for what is right, and speak up against this kind of behavior. This will require some courage, but my boy, you are brave, and you are strong. Never stay silent, and never allow evil to triumph.

My wish is for you to be a loving, kind soul who always sees the good inside of everyone.

But at the end of the day, I guess what I really want to say to you can be summed up with one single desire…

I want you to love everyone like Jesus does.

The rest will take care of itself.

This Cowboy’s Hat : Revisited

Five years ago, I wrote a story about a hat, but it was never really just about a hat. On this date 12 years ago, I lost one of my best friends. I woke up today, and I felt like sharing my story again. I apologize if you have read it before, but if you have not, I hope it puts a smile on your face.

 

This Cowboy’s Hat

“You’ll ride a black tornado cross’t the western sky, rope an ole blue norther and milk it til it’s dry, bulldog the Mississippi, pin it’s ears down flat, long before you take this cowboy’s hat.”

I’m a Reds fan.

That’s really no secret.

I got my first fitted Reds hat my freshman year of high school, and I have since outgrown or destroyed six of New Era’s finest. If you see me during baseball season, I’ll probably be wearing a tattered Franchise hat: its majestic red color faded to a dull pinkish kind of grey. Or I’ll be in number seven, my trusty 59Fifty: its crown marred by the blood, sweat, and tear stains from the months surrounding my love affair with an old blue chair due to a brain tumor.

Few hats ever been more faithful than number seven. He’s added some eye black stains to the bill this past spring as we made our triumphant return to the Ruston Parks and Recreation coed slow pitch softball league. Number seven was even with me when I legged out a triple hit down the right field line. A slow pitch triple might not seem like a big deal to most, but for the guy who ran a 4.5 minute 40 before being forced to use a cane, believe me, it was a huge deal. With all that being said, if you see me on a Sunday afternoon after church, I won’t be wearing a Reds hat. I will be wearing a Yankees hat

Yes, I did say a Yankee hat.

Before you start to call me disloyal or a bandwagon fan, you should know a thing or two about why that navy blue cap means so much to me.

I grew up in a sports loving family, and the likes of John Elway, Larry Bird, and Shaq covered my bedroom walls. Though one of my heroes wasn’t a ball player, but former laundromat worker who grew up picking cotton during the Great Depression. Her name was Rubie Jackson, and she was my maternal grandmother: my Maw-Maw.

Maw-Maw loved sports. Her favorites were Warren Moon and the Oilers, Larry Bird and the Celtics, and the Yankees. She and I would sit and watch games for hours on end.

Sundays were always special to me at her house. As a kid growing up, I would be awoken to the sounds of classic country music and the smell of bacon frying. When I got older and started driving, I would drive to her house after church, sit on the couch, and listen to stories until it was time for lunch. After lunch, there was always a game on. Football for the majority of the year, NBA games during the early spring, and baseball throughout the summer.

My Maw-Maw loved baseball. It wasn’t until after she died that I learned she would often go into the yard and play baseball with her kids. I would give anything to see that. I can’t help but imagine her throwing some inside heat and bursting with laughter.

One of the last great memories I have of her came in my senior year of college. I made a surprise visit, and she, not expecting company, was lying down in a back bedroom down the hall. I sat down beside her, took off my hat, and we talked for several minutes. I then went to the kitchen to grab a quick drink. Before I could get back to her bedroom, she came out of the hall, walker in tow, and wearing my Yankees hat. I have never been accused of having a small head, so there was my hat engulfing this tiny, frail lady. I couldn’t help but roll with laughter as she gave me her famous grin. I said, “Maw-Maw, I would’ve gotten my hat later.” She replied, “It’s OK. I like the Yankees.”

Maw-Maw wouldn’t be with us much longer after that. I had the incredible honor of speaking at her funeral. I did so with a Yankees hat that I bought her the day after she died perched on the podium with my notes. I wasn’t too sure of her size, so I went with a 7 1/4, my size at the time. After all, she pulled it off so well. Before her casket was sealed, I placed her hat next to her body and said my final goodbye.

So each Sunday I put on my Yankees hat because it reminds me of her. I get a lot of strange looks, especially from those I meet for the first time. I accept the jeers, ignore the sneers, and just smile. I don’t expect a lot of people to understand. It’s my personal tribute to my Maw-Maw, and I know she’s watching with a grin.

The Yankees hat that provided me with one of my favorite memories has since shrunk and will no longer fit on my head. It stays in my home office hanging on a candelabra that I gave Maw-Maw our last Christmas together.

My new Yankees hat doesn’t quite have the character of the old one, nor does it have the broken-in feel, but it will get there . . .

One Sunday at a time.

Little Things

My friend Teddy Allen once told me, “It’s always the little things, Josh, that will become the big things.”

This is a story about the little things…

 

It’s Wednesday morning, and I’m late.

I wish I could say it’s because I overslept, but it’s not.

I was actually up before my alarm.

You see Wednesdays are Donuts with Davis days.

It started off as bribery to make my two year old happy when he woke up to discover his mom had already left for work, & he was stuck with Da attempting to brush the matted & curly bedhead he acquired the night before. With the simple question of “Do you want to go get donuts?”, my cranky toddler turned into a sweet & helpful little boy. I would whisk him away to the store, hurriedly carry him inside, quickly throw his donut in a bag, and rush to drop him off with his sitter. I would become easily agitated if he dawdled inside because I was on a schedule, & I just had to be on time. Donut Wednesdays became more of a chore than a treat for me, as they made my stress level rise every single time.

But this week…

This week was different.

Some devastating news for my family made me realize how precious each second of my time with my son is. I realized that in 10 years, no one would remember if I got to work at 8:10 instead of 8:00, but the memories we are making will be a long time not forgotten.

So, today, instead of rushing through the choice of donuts, we pondered over each potential item, & we settled on donut holes for Davis & an apple fritter for me. I let him peruse the chip aisle, chuckling as he said to each bag, “Dadee, I need dose. I need dem.” A bag of Cool Ranch Doritos was the final selection. He’ll never eat them, (the last three bags of chips he “needed” stayed on the front seat of my truck until I ate them for breakfast or put them in my lunch bag) but he likes to choose.

After he picked out his chips, we made our way to the counter, and by this point, he knows the routine. He placed his chips, his donut bag, & his napkin on the counter so we can give the lady our “monies.” I have tried to explain to him that he can keep his napkin, but he is emphatic that it must be paid for as well. As the cashier began ringing up our items, Davis started his weekly routine of picking up every single bag and bar of candy. My child doesn’t like chocolate; if he didn’t look like me, I might question if he was really my child, so with each item, the conversation would go like this:

“What’s dat?”

“That’s a Twix.”

“I want dat.”

“You don’t like that.”

“Uh-huh! I like dat!”

“You don’t like that; it’s chocolate.”

“I don’t like chocolate.”

This whole process goes on every single week.

After he sorted through every single item on the racks, I thought we were good to final get our donuts and leave. I was wrong. My child then began to reorganize the candy racks. He placed every candy bar meticulously in its proper place and made sure everything was lined up perfectly. Once everything was aligned to his satisfaction, we were off. Davis said, “Thank you.” and “Goodbye.” to the ever so patient cashier, and then we headed to my truck.

Nope.

Not really.

We were headed to look at the broken carousel outside the store.

Now, Davis knows it is broken. He has known it is broken for quite some time. He will tell you, “Carousel is bwoken.” This knowledge, however, did not stop him from inspecting every horse individually, all while saying, “You’re bwoken.” to each one. Once his inspection was complete, he decided that he was finally ready to load up and leave.

At this point, my watch said 7:50.

Our donut adventure began at 7:25.

I could not help but smile.

I was obviously going to be late. It’s a solid 15 minute drive from my house to my office, and we had not even left the store. I wanted to be irritated that even after getting up early, I knew I was going to be late. But there was no irritation whatsoever. The smile of pure joy on my son’s face let me know that I had made the right decision. He was happy, and had I hurriedly rushed him, I would’ve stolen those moments from him.

So I guess I’ve told you this long and probably over drawn out story to tell you this…

Enjoy the little moments.

Life is going to go on if you’re late for work on day a week.

The world will not stop if you leave work early once in a while so you can have an extra 30 minutes in your backyard.

Our time here on Earth with those we love is far too precious to stress over things that won’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

Play with your kids.

Hang out with your friends.

Call your dad.

Hug your momma.

Laugh more.

Learn something new.

Love people with no regard for their color, religion, sexual orientation, or status.

Live each moment.

Those are the little things that will become the big things.

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